So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
