she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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