Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Of course I have a pirate flag
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
