Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
