I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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