I think I won the penis lottery.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
