So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
