either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
