I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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