If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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