apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
