i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
