Please, let me fuck your mom
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No I am not eating basil off your cock
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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