There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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