Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
