We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
