I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
