I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well I just put wine in my tea
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
