People with herpes should wear stickers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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