Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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