I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize