I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
