Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
