my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
