he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
