i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
