They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
