Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
