I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
