I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
