i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
