she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize