She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
