Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
