Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize