my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
