If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've blown a few things in my day
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize