It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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