I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just want to make out with him forever
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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