The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize