The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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