"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
