I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were destined to go to rehab together
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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