under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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