Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
