So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
