You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
