bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sacagawea was the original milf.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize