So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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