actually, I'm a sock model
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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