If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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