I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
