I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
