And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
