I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
