Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
