what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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