i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize