I'm gonna have a badass scar
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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